All I have to say, is … it was worth it.

FaceTime is pretty amazing, yes you have to be on an active WiFi connection, but do it once and suddenly you don’t mind restrictions. I keep hearing complaints regarding service interruption based on the way you hold the phone (which to me is sort of like saying “it hurts when I do this”… Well? DON’T DO THAT!). Sheesh people. Steve Jobs is smart and controls many things, but he cannot control the way you hold your phone, caveman.

The clear screen is a huge improvement over the previous models. It reminds me of the day I first saw HD TV. Some of you kids don’t remember analog sets, but what an improvement it was. There are many cool features, but I’ve yet to discover them all. You know, I have to make up for the work time I missed while standing in line in the Texas heat with a bunch of high school kids who were out for the summer.

Thanks to all the friends who brought Doritos and sat with us and kept us company.

It was a great experience.

Now, if I could only figure out how to turn this thing on …

Sadly, you’ll have to wait for Facebook to release their study to get your stats. Let me just say it’s fascinating and I really appreciated the content. How’s that for licking the red right off your sucker?! Ha! Sorry… It’s just too fun to tease you all.

So while I was there I caught the original purpose of the study. Why would a company like Facebook need to do research about moms on Facebook we all wondered? Doesn’t FB have some gigantic database resembling a NASA command center? Can’t they just run a report?

Turns out, they can’t. There is no report. What this got me thinking about is what Facebook even requires you to input about yourself so they can get their data. So I spent a few minutes trying to remember back SO LONG AGO to when I did setup my FB account. Get this! I couldn’t remember. I’ve been a Facebook member for so long I literally don’t remember what they required me to put in there. Therefore I created an account for my alter-ego, to remain nameless.

So far, they’ve got my alter-ego’s “name” “email” “gender” and “birthday”. Not too bad, just tell them my basic demographic, which if you have a cell phone, catalog subscription, TV subscription or grocery store loyalty card you would have shared that with them.

Facebook: Fill Out Your Profile Info

Please notice the SKIP button. I used this feature through the entire process and still only provided the minimum of information. Now, I my alter-ego has a FB account to monitor and control the minds of others interact, complain, advertise etc to all sorts of people.

You may be asking right now “Parksy-pants? What is the point of this exercise?”

You’re in luck, because I’m finally getting to my point. My POINT, since you’ve been so patient is this:

When the mass of users on the web are starting to get a concerned that advertisers are using web browsing history, demographic data, (information that will only make their experience more relevant BTW) do they stop to think about all the information that they offer up freely? While I may have been able to go all the way through this process without so much as a real fact other than a working email address, most people don’t do that. They put in every piece of detail to make the experience as rich as possible. They want things that are relevant, they want people they know to be their friend on Facebook. I don’t usually get too upset about the general consumer and their lack of understanding of what “we do” with the internet. But I do find that if people paid a bit more attention, they actually have more control over things than they thought.

So behavioral targeting, re-targeting media, relevant ads on gmail… all of it – it’s to help and yet this side hasn’t been shared. I think it’s an important reminder to us all, that the next time you run a retargeting campaign the consumer might not want to see an offer for 20% off because you are being intrusive.

Yeah, you know what – I’ll eat all the bacon the Ritz Carlton can throw me if that’s the answer consumers give you.

So, I ask – for the rest of the mediocre terminals out there… Let’s step it up a notch shall we? How about incorporating things like free power, I pay $7.00 for water – you can offer me a power outlet, or incorporating a dependable wireless network, one that might allow you to download a song in less than 1 hour.

Most of all, what would you say to a little bathroom update? Granted, 10 years ago people were less likely to have so much baggage. Now, we’re trying to fit everything we own into one small carry on and one personal item – neither of which fit in the bathroom stall. About the time I’m trying to figure out the geometric equation that will allow me and my items into the stall, I hear the man on the loudspeaker reminding me not to leave my items unattended. Thanks for that, Mr. Airport Man! You’re very helpful.

So in the spirit of changing times, when everyone and everything is different than it was 10 years ago – why do some of us still expect the old ways to work? Innovation is about more than an added feature; it’s about making what you have the absolute best it can be.

Our shoppers are evolved. They are all unique and they are sophisticated and they are very, very demanding. Driving someone to a unique landing page focused on his or her query is nice, but beyond that what do you do? Focus on the checkout. The real opportunity is to keep the conversion moving forward. Let your customer feel like they’ve accomplished something when they hit submit; don’t just serve up another form to fill out. Most importantly, listen to your customers. Drop off points and abandoned carts are big magnifying glasses into the mind of your customer. Sure, we used to speak of “abandonment” fairly often, but in a tough economy that conversation is a lot more relevant. If you’re spending money on marketing, make that marketing the best it can be. Your site is the real opportunity to gain market share, the only place where you as a marketer have complete control.

Traffic from an organic search behaves differently than traffic from display media. Embrace that notion, allow your customers to be unique. And please, stop trying to shove everything into a single stall, it’s just not going to fit no matter how you try.

My gifts are weird and cheap, so in a recession, my Father’s Day purchasing power is still pretty strong, for all intents and purposes. But for those who buy NICE gifts, how does Dad fair during a recession? I mean, he already gets the short end of the stick, especially when compared to Mom. She get’s flowers and jewelry, candy and homemade cards. Mom gets thought, and dear old dad gets a bunch of Armor All.

The NRF recently produced a study for Fathers Day spending and giving us a preview of what to expect. Now put down the As Seen on TV “Grabit Screw Extractor” and pay attention, this is where things get interesting.

According to the study, a mere 17.9% will be shopping online for a gift. Where is everyone else? What are they doing? Shopping offline, of course. For the sake of fathers everywhere, I hope these people are better at it then I am. Catalogs and department stores look to fare well during the season, but online retailers should have no fear. This online group of shoppers is looking to spend upwards of $130 online, which is roughly 50% more than their offline only counterparts. 50% more! That’s a tremendous difference!

Prepare the inventory kids, the shoppers are coming. I know all of the RANGE clients have high hopes on each impending holiday, and Fathers Day will be no less. Treat dad to something cool this year, you know – like an ionic air purifier, for the car.

Here’s what I mean. If you lose your job, there are tons of promotions that will give you money back if you spend with the company in question and then get the axe. Some seem rather strange and some seem spot-on. For instance, my favorite is that the Minnesota Timberwolves will refund season tickets for games not played if you lose your job. This would be, to me, an example of something not quite necessary. If you are worried about losing your job, why are you investing in season tickets to a mediocre basketball team who just finished a season at 24-58. But I digress. Something that might make more sense? JetBlue will refund your plane tickets, Virgin Mobile will waive charges for a 3 months. Though all of it raises the question, should you even be making this purchase in the first place?

The term most recently being used is “recession proof”. This makes me a little concerned. Marketers calling things recession-proof? And car companies providing “assurance”? Scary. Car dealerships aren’t typically known for being trustworthy. But what do I know? It seems like these promotions are actually working. It’s not drawing people out of the woodwork, but it is causing a bit of an uptick in large ticket purchases like vehicles. Terms like sympathy and compassion are being tossed about quite often as well. From car dealers. Possibly even with straight faces.

The concern? It’s just another guarantee that probably won’t provide long-term success. And just as soon as someone tries to return a car that her eight cats, two dogs and a football team drove around in for a year, we’re going to have a little PR nightmare on our hands.

Be a smart marketer and stick with what you know. Provide more detail and more clarity into your fine print. Give people more options for payment. People are looking to save money by making smart buying decisions. This new phase of recession-proofing purchases is just cluttering the conversation.

I’m confused, that’s for sure. I’m beginning to think that getting fired doesn’t look so bad. Maybe I will fly to Minnesota for the season opener of the Timberwolves and buy a car while I am there, drive it back to Texas and do some shopping at every outlet mall between here and there.

They’ll take it all back right? And just wipe my slate clean? Right???